Happy Valley Hate: The Holy War
Before moving to the "great" state of Utah, I took a mini-vacation to setup to finalize my spring attendance for the University of Utah. However, upon meeting with the counselor there (who turned out to be one big giant bitch) and a few other things that happened, I realized I didn't want to go to University of Utah as I had originally planned. Rather than perceiving this as a bad omen for Utah as a whole (which I should've done), I headed south to Provo and hung out with all my friends there. They told me I should go to BYU, but I've always (and still to this day) had a huge distaste in my mouth for BYU. Eventually, my friends convinced me to go to UVU, thus sending me down the path to my biggest regret in life. But I still was upset about U of U and my terrible experience there.
Near the end of my shitty mini-vacation, I had to head back to Salt Lake City to meet up with friends for a long painful drive back to Iowa. Getting back to Salt Lake was no easy task either. I was on foot and this was before the public transportation of Utah finally decided to make something of itself. I had a freidn drive me up to Salt Lake. But coming from Provo was painful. Traffic was insanely backed up because the annual "holy war" had ended. What is the holy war you ask? This picture from the onion explains it best.
BYU vs. Utah. The two powerhouses face off anually for the right to keep Joseph Smith's golden plats for the year. Credit to the onion.
http://www.theonion.com/slideshow/greatest-college-football-rivalries-56937#3
It's basically a football game between 2 Utah based teams. BYU and U of U. Even though I am jaded about my experience of dealing with U of U, my experience of dealing with snotty BYU kids while working in student housing allows me to hate BYU way more than U of U.
The best part is every year BYU thinks they are going to win and they get stomped by U of U. But this is the norm for Provo, being delusional that is. I remember when the 2012 Election was happening. Everyone in Provo couldn't shut up about how Romney was gonna win. I heard one Happy Valley Housewife even state "I just can't picture Obama being president". Cause you know he wasn't president those last 4 years or anything. Then bam, Rom-Dogg got owned. And it's the same thing that happens every year with the holy war. Provo talks shit about how it's gonna win and falls short EVERY TIME!
When was the last time BYU beat U of U? Well, there's a website called RiseAndShout.Net with a count up (not to be confused with a countdown) that says BYU beat U of U nearly 2900 days ago. That is nearly 8 years ago. In 2009. And... That was when I was freaking on my mini-vacation in Provo and was trapped in terrible traffic trying to get to Salt Lake City to meet up with my friends at freaking temple square during the temple lighting. For those that don't know the temple lighting is one of the biggest events in Utah. Thus it is a terrible time to meet up with people, but I digress.
2012 has to have been my favorite game. I'm not a huge football fan by any means. I personally have no sports that I enjoy (with the possible exception of foxy boxing). Here's some great backstory to this game. There was this stuck up little prick in my apartment complex who was talking a ton of shit about how Romney was gonna win the election. He was also a huge dick to me, cause I met Mitt and told him that I wasn't a fan. So he decided to attack me personally cause that's what you do when you can't argue worth shit. On election night I made a point to make a stop by his apartment to smile and leave.
It didn't take this kid long to lick his wounds because he was back in shit talking mode a week after the election. Well during the end of the game, the University of Utah fans kept rushing the field because they thought they were victorious (force of habit I'm sure). So the refs allowed BYU to kick some field goals or something. I don't know all the details, I'm not a big football guy. But here is what I do know, that the field goal kick was missed and BYU I lost. I once again made it a point to stop over for some nachos this kid was making. And to gloat. I walked in and he looked at me and said: "don't say anything". This kid must be tired of being so wrong all the time. He knew what was up. He knew the score (quite literally) and after that, he quit bragging about who he wanted to win anything and stopped talking shit for the rest of the semester.
The Holy War has sent home its fair share of BYU losers. From BYU quarterback Max Hall (who was arrested for shopping lifting and drug possession) and his poor family having beer spat on them by U of U fans. To Jake Heaps, a BYU quarterback who my roommate couldn't shut up about how much he hated but never confronted in the class he had with him. Yes BYU has it difficult but here's the thing, it does it to itself and it deserves to lose.
I know what you're thinking "MCS1, that's a horrible thing to say." Is it though? I worked in BYU student housing and dealt with these kids on a regular basis. There are a few good ones, and I'll admit many of my friends went to BYU (and are now unsubscribing from my website) but overall that school is filled with pretentious assholes. It's not about U of U winning, it's about BYU losing. It's about spite and the fact that those of us in Provo who are sick of the Provo all-stars, Provo Disney princesses, and ultra judgemental crowds can finally get some revenge.
In one of my therapy sessions (also I was never in therapy until I lived in Provo *the more you know*) my therapist asked how my weekend was. I told him it was awesome because BYU lost the holy war. Being the byu alumni he was he tried to correct me asking "don't you mean you're happy Utah won?" I said "No, I'm happy BYU lost." He wasn't pleased. We obviously didn't break any ground that day.
In conclusion I just want to say that....University of Utah was founded by Brigham Young *mic drop*
- MCS1
